Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
There is no real definitive test for those things that you can do at home especially on a male.
Your best bet would be to go see your doctor. If you are worried about confidentiality in that you don't want anyone even possibly being able to find out then you could always try your local clinic, most of them are very affordable if not free and you can give a fake name.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
feel as though I've tried everything. I heard somewhere that there is a
small percentage of women who "just can't" have orgasms, and I'm
worried that I'm one of those women. Could this be true?
There have been two answers to this question for a long time, but more recently it is more common to believe that ALL women can have an orgasm. And at 19, it is by no means strange to have never had a orgasm. Statistically, many women only discover the orgasm in college, and still more after that. not to worry!
There are many ways that women can reach orgasm, and often they don't get spoken about. I think that much of the language around the female orgasm and female pleasure is actually sort of male-centric. The language of "harder," faster," etc. usually does not apply when it comes to pleasuring a woman, which is confusing when all of the images of women experiencing extreme pleasure are associated with more aggressive sexual activity. Usually (but not always, of course), women achieve orgasm very slowly and gently.
I would reccomend trying to reach orgasm on your own first, so that you aren't anxious and won't get frustrated or nervous... it will also allow you to experiement with other object or methods you can't use with a partner, such as with water (like in a bathtub) or a vibrator (although you can absolutely use any number of toys with a partner as well). Also, start without the goal of an orgasm in mind. Simply explore yourself to try and discover what feels good, better, and the best for a little while - and maybe several times - before you get even close to orgasm. Try different positions, such as on your stomach or on your back, too, and try different temperatures- a hot towel or cloth, for example, can get your body more excited or ready. It is true that orgasm often (if not always) comes from clitoral stimulation. But many women have very sensitive clitorises, so stimulating the area around the clitoris or indirectly touching the clitoris can work better than direct stimulation (which, for some, can be more painful than pleasurable).
Don't give up hope! there is so much time left for you to discover your orgasm, and you are certainly not alone in where you stand now.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
- Cover your stump before you hump.
- Don't be silly, protect your willy.
- When in doubt, shroud your spout.
- Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
- You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong.
- If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
- If you think s/he's spunky, cover your monkey.
- Before you slip between her thighs, condomize.
- It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
- Don't get sick, wrap your dick.
- If you go into heat, package your meat.
- While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis.
- When you take off her blouse, suit up your mouse.
- Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
- Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
- The right selection, is to protect your erection.
- Wrap it in foil, before checking her oil.
- If you really love her, wear a cover.
- Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.
- Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
- If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
- No glove, No love.
Monday, June 9, 2008
So, we did some research and also spoke to a clinician here at Dick's House and here's the scoop:
Sex drive is dependent on androgens, the male hormones. Different brands of birth control pills contain varying amounts of androgens, so it's possible that the pill type she is taking could be the culprit. Some estimate that taking a hormonal birth control pill could lower the sex drive of 5-10% of women who take them.
We hear you when you say she wants to avoid speaking with her doctor about this, but really- it's the best choice. There are so many birth control formulas to choose from and if this one is having a negative impact, she should definitely make an appointment to discuss switching to a birth control pill with more androgens. If for some reason her doctor isn't someone she likes or feels comfortable speaking with, she should find a different provider. If she's been seen by a clinician at Dick's House and wants to see someone else instead, she just needs to say that she wants to "try meeting with a new provider" when making the appointment.
Alternately, physical activity (moderately intense exercise) and increased muscle mass (weight lifting) can sometimes increase the amount of male hormones and therefore sex drive. On that note, she may feel an increased sense of well-being and therefore an increased sex drive if she is exercising and feels good about her body. Sometimes mood difficulties may present as lack of interest in activities otherwise enjoyed, so she may also want to consider whether or not she might be slightly depressed.
One other aspect of the situation: A healthy college woman might feel that this issue is abnormal for someone of her age. We've found and read through a WebMD blog where LOTS of women in their early 20's share their frustrations of a low sex drive and your girlfriend may find some comfort in reading their posts. It may also give her the support she needs (aside from yours of course!) to call and make an appointment.
Most important: continue to spend special times together, and be intimate in other ways. Sometimes lack of sex drive is indicating a need in another aspect of the relationship.
Try not to pressure her too much or it may feel to her that it's only your satisfaction (frequency of sex) that matters ... be sure to listen to and support her desires as well! It's great that you're trying to be supportive and perhaps you can read this information together to enhance your already positive, open, honest communication.
Good luck to you both!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
ahhh.. anal. Let's define the idea of "anal". As you can read on SexInfo101.com, "There are many ways to enjoy the anus erotically. Some people enjoy the sensation of a finger inserted into their anal opening and gently rotated. Others may find the insertion of a sex toy or penis very arousing and stimulating."
Whatever you choose to use to try anal sex, it is important to remember 3 main points.
- Use Lubrication. The anus is not self-lubricating, so it is essential to use a good lube product. Water- or Silicone-based commercial lubricants are best. We know that you can buy some that are "desensitizing", but we don't recommend them because they could keep you from feeling any real damage that was happening (if that were the case). For more on lubes for anal sex, check out this "Ask Alice!" page.
- Take it S-L-O-W. Do you enjoy a little anal stimulation externally? Take the time to explore on your own. Use your finger or an inexpensive sex toy, such as anal beads to determine if this is something you find pleasurable. There's no need to hurry to the finish line- the journey is just as fun.
- If you experience pain, then STOP. Take a deep breath and evaluate whether you want to end the experience or whether you need more lubrication, a smaller item, better partner communication or something else.
And, don't forget to make sure you are feeling 'turned on'. This is not something you should try until you are feeling at least a little aroused and 'in the mood'. Happy exploring!
Excellent question, although one curiosity: why is it important to note that your potential sexual partner is about to graduate? It sounds as though there could be some pressure as in "if not now, it may never happen"... but we could just be reading into it a little too much.
There are a number of questions to consider when deciding whether now is the "right time" to have your first experience with sexual intercourse. We've stolen from an excellent piece on the Scarleteen.com website and adapted it below. You can (and should) check out the original source page as well.
Why do I want to do this?
If there is any sense of pressure or if you're having troubles in your relationship and you think sex will fix it, stop right there. Sex between people should only happen when it is what both people very enthusiastically want, and not just because they think it'll make the other person happy (or get them to stop nagging).
On the other hand, if you've been with your partner long enough (whatever that means to you) to feel good about considering sex with them, and have a solid level of other sexual experience (including kissing, petting, masturbation); you feel you can trust yourself and your partner with limits; if you're looking to explore your sexual relationship responsibly and sensitively, and for some greater intimacy and sexual exploration with no notion that any certain result -- positive or negative -- is guaranteed, and you've got a firm grip on reality, read on.
What does being a "virgin" mean to you?
Are you someone who feels that one's virginity is a kind of gift to the one person who you will ever be fully sexually intimate with? Do you view being a 'virgin' as a having a positive or negative value? Is sexual intercourse something you simply want to have 'out of the way' so you will then feel experienced? For some reason, our culture places some value upon being a 'virgin'. You should be aware of the value that you place on virginity - and whether or not you actually do place any value on it. This may impact how you feel about yourself if you do choose to have sex.
Who do I want to do this for?
If it's for you, and your partner as well as you: fantastic. But if it is for someone else primarily, and not for yourself -- or JUST for yourself -- stop now. Other people, just like you, have hands and fingers. They know how to use them to get off, and you can rest assured they've been using them long before you came along. Sex with someone else shouldn't just be about self-gratification; that's what masturbation is for.
What do I expect from intercourse or genital sex?
Not to scare you or make you nervous, but "the first time" for many women in particular may not be all that fantastic. Some student show that only about 25% of women usually report enjoying first intercourse, and less than 8% report orgasm from first intercourse. Those bummers most likely had to do with being ill-prepared in general, simply not knowing the basics, both partners not being equally invested in one another, and overall, with unrealistic expectations. The cultural idea that the first sex is the best sex is almost always off-kilter: sex is one of those things that tends to improve for people over time; which gets better as you go, rather than starting off perfect and fantastic and either staying there or getting worse or boring.
It's smart to take stock of what your expectations are, and give them a reality check. Talk to a friend who has had intercourse or other genital sex who is really honest with you (or an older sibling or family member) about what you expect, and listen to their experiences. Intercourse or other genital sex isn't a miracle cure for anything, and it isn't always a fireworks show: it can be a wonderful, natural affirmation of intimacy, and an excellent physical and emotional experience as long as you're ready for it and take it at face value, without romanticizing it or imagining it to be something it is not. The sex you have with someone else tends to be a mirror of your relationship: if your relationship is lousy, the sex within it isn't likely to be better or to improve the relationship.
Am I really prepared to handle all aspects of intercourse and/or other genital sex?
There's a lot to juggle; probably more than you think. While it may not be glamorous to think of all the "preparations" to consider, it's vital for your health- and that of your partner. Be sure you know the following answers:
- I can take full responsibility for my own emotions, expectations and actions, as can my partner
- I understand that having sex could change my relationship for good or for the worse, and feel I can handle whatever may happen, good or bad alike.
- I have several up-to-date, good quality latex condoms, dams and/or gloves -- whichever I need for the specific sexual activities I want to engage in -- and both I and my partner know how and when to use them, and are both willing to do so without argument.
- I have had basic healthcare, whatever disease and infection testing I need and can obtain, and am in good health, and my partner has had regular doctor checkups, disease and infection testing, and is in good health.
- If I am having opposite-sex intercourse, I have a secondary method of birth control for use with condoms if I feel the need for a backup method. If I am using condoms alone, I and my partner know how to use them properly and know my partner will do his part to always use them.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
What is Herpes, and what are the two types?
Herpes is a viral disease caused by Herpes Simplex Viruses (HSV). Herpes is most easily transmitted by direct contact with a visible sore, but transmission can occur from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected.
There are two types of Herpes and they have very original names: Herpes Simplex 1 and Herpes Simplex 2.
Herpes Type 1, what historically has been oral herpes, infects the face and mouth with 'cold sores' or 'fever blisters'. It's not unusual for someone to have contracted HSV-1 sometime as early as childhood.
Herpes Type 2 has historically infects the genitals with blister-like sores. The herpes virus causes blisters that can last from 2 to 21 days before entering a remission period.
CURRENT DAY: With the increase in unprotected oral sex, it's becoming more common to find HSV-1 on the genital area and HSV-2 being found in the mouth and throat.
GOOD NEWS: Herpes is not a life threatening disease and it is only skin-deep. HSV-1 outbreaks occur less frequently than HSV-2 outbreaks. And, while there is no cure for Herpes, there are medications that help to manage the symptoms.
BAD NEWS: Even though the sores can disappear, the virus is still present in your sensory nerves and you can still spread it, so you should be sure to talk with any sexual partner prior to skin-to-skin contact so you are both able to make decisions about what methods of protection you will use. Additionally, persons with herpes should abstain from sexual activity with uninfected partners when lesions or other symptoms of herpes are present.
Protection options: Of course, refraining from skin-to-skin contact is the best way to protect yourself, but if you're sexually active, your best choices are Condoms (to cover the penis) and Dental Dams (to cover the vulva and anus). Use them correctly and CONSISTENTLY during each sexual contact. They're not 100% effective, but they are your best option!
Again, a great resource on this topic is the CDC's Factsheet on Herpes.
What are crabs and where can you get them?
Crabs are pubic lice that tend to live on genital pubic hair but can also be found anywhere on the body with coarse hair (facial hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes). It should not be confused with head lice, and it is definitely not a normal organism living on your body.
It is usually transmitted through any genital contact and occasionally, through the infested person's linen like bed sheets and clothing. Do not fear the toilet seat however; it is smooth enough to keep them off. Good News? Animals do not get or spread crabs (public lice), so little Sparky is safe.
The CDC has a great informational page for you to read thru.
What and where is the Male P-Spot?
Listen up men! The Male P-Spot is also known as the Male G-Spot. The “P” stands for prostate, a walnut-sized gland located underneath your bladder, close to the rectal wall. It contains smooth muscles that help expel semen during ejaculation. The prostate also adds alkaline to the seminal fluid, allowing sperm to survive in the vagina’s acidity.
The P-Spot can be stimulated to heighten orgasms using different techniques of anal play. One can stimulate it directly through the anus using fingers or sex toys. One can apply pressure on it by massaging the perineum, the patch of skin between the base of the penis and the anal opening, or one can have intercourse in varying “doggy style” positions.
For more information, visit this Babeland site page: <http://www.babeland.com/sexinfo/howto/how-to-stimulate-prostate-gland>
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Should I sleep with a promiscuous person? As a questioning male, I thought that it would be easier to explore my sexuality but finding a sexual partner has been a bit of a challenge. Should I have sex with a man I know has had many sexual partners (and who has been hitting on me for awhile?)
Well.... do you want to? Is this someone you feel sexually attracted to? Do you trust this person? Do you have access to condoms & dental dams? Do you feel comfortable asking your sexual partner to use protection? Do you know how to use a condom & dental dam?
These are all questions we'd hope/expect you to consider when choosing whether to have sex with someone or not. Talk about sexual history with *anyone* you choose to have sex with- not just someone perceived to be promiscuous.
While it may not feel sexy, the two of you need to discuss when each of you was last tested for STIs and! if either of you has had any sexual partners since that time. If so, it so totally appropriate and more than okay to say “hey, I’d like to have sex/hookup/fool around (or insert appropriate verb here), but I think we should both get tested and see what’s up first.” If someone tests positive for an STI and there's medication to cure it, wait until it's cleared up. If it's an STI that has no cure, they'll learn from the clinician what methods of protection are most effective at blocking the transmission to a partner, but if you're that partner, you're entitled to know and make a choice of what amount of risk you are comfortable taking.
Once that's all taken care of and the moment is ripe/hot, you can try asking “should I get a condom/dental dam?” to initiate sexual activity with the assumption that safer sex will be practiced. Or you can try: "I want us to practice safer sex...and I have a condom/dental dam with me. Do you have a preference for a brand or style?" (There are definitely glow-in-the-dark-styles….!!)
Mini-lecture: Recent estimates suggest that while representing 15 to 24 year olds represent 25% of the sexually active population, that age group acquires nearly half of all new STIs (source: CDC), so frequent testing is important!
Okay, so overall message: your concern is completely valid regarding STI transmission, especially if you know this guy has had unprotected sex and/or has never been tested. Once you’ve established that you and he are safe, there is absolutely nothing wrong with experimenting. It may turn out to be a really great way to feel how it goes with a guy, maybe learn some techniques, and have fun – of course in a mega safe environment.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
True, I think [partners] should respect the choices their girlfriends make about their own body; however, if someone really likes pubic hair a certain way and the other person really doesn't want to accommodate, I think that means the partners should decide whether further discussion and compromise are worth the trouble--and if not, they should move on.
No big deal.
Tough question. We did a little research on positions for people with sore knees...and lots of doctors' blogs (and people in the same situation as your girlfriend) suggest for her to really get acquainted with the angles and positions by herself before adding you to the mix. The range of possible positions varies a lot from person to person. Rather than make one particular recommendation, we suggest you and your girlfriend check out this site together:
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
What you seem to be describing is anal-oral sex, also referred to as anilingus, rimming, rim-job, and a variety of other slang terms. It's performed by gay and straight people, and can provide a lot of pleasure as a consensual sex act. Anilingus involves kissing, licking, and sliding the tongue in and out of the anus.
Obviously this is not the cleanest part of the body, so clearly there's a risk of coming into contact with potentially harmful bacteria. If the lickee is infected with Hepatitis A, the licker is at risk of infection. Syphilis, herpes, gonorrhoea and chlamydia can also be transmitted through anilingus if either party is infected.
But there's a way to experience consensual anilingus safely, and that's to place a barrier between the lickee and licker. Dental dams (or a cut-up condom) are offer protection against infection. You could also use plastic wrap, but be sure it is *not* the microwaveable kind (this is porous!). Sex acts are as safe as you make it!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
The HPV Vaccine is given in 3 doses, and you can make your first appointment at Dick's House. The second dose is given 8 weeks after first and the final dose should be administered 16 weeks after the 2nd. There is some flexibility in this, so if you're worried about off-terms, etc. you should still make the appointment for your 1st one now and discuss your travel plans with the clinician you see.
If you have the Dartmouth Student Health Insurance and get the shots at Dick's House, the full cost is covered. If you are under 18, the State of New Hampshire will cover the cost. If you are 19 or older, you will be charged $125 for each shot (the hospital is over $200 per shot- eeep), but most private health insurance companies do cover most or all of this- you should contact your insurance company for details on their reimbursement policy (ask whether they'll reimburse your cost if you're at your college's health center) and how to seek reimbursement.
Hope that's informative!
Thanks so much for your contribution! -Sexperts
Friday, April 11, 2008
We're so glad you asked this question. It's a very common concern with very little dialogue! Although you probably want a more concrete (and less fluffy) response than this, a person's pubic hair style is honestly a completely personal choice- so to answer what is "normal" is really tough (or impossible). While we haven't done a poll to answer this question, we agree with some text from "teenwire.com"
"Whether a [a person] chooses to shave, trim, or remove pubic hair is ultimately a personal choice. In no way do [individuals] have to shave (or remove) their pubic hair. Shaving in such sensitive areas can lead to razor burn and ingrown hairs. However, some [individuals] choose to shave or use other methods (such as waxing) to remove pubic hair for cosmetic reasons. If a [person] chooses to shave (or remove) [his/her] pubic hair, the amount that is removed is up to [him/her]." source: www.teenwire.com
As a rather ambiguous response, the key word in the excerpt above is "choice." The "hair" question is probably so common - and kind of embarrassing - because there are SO many mixed message. The adult entertainment industry definitely portrays sexy bodies as hairless bodies. Celebrities like Denise Richards and Gwyneth Paltrow have discussed their salon waxing adventures, and Jessica Simpson has announced that she takes care of her own (but who knows what style) rather than have a stranger see her "wawa," as she put it. Popular culture has also provided for waxing to be featured in Sex and the City" and in many women's magazines. But since most women are neither porn stars nor celebrities, where does that leave us? Albeit disconcerting, it is necessary to acknowledge the pressure felt by those images of mass media which all-too-often dictate pubic beauty standards.
In terms of hygiene, pubic hair DOES serve a purpose, particularly with vaginas. It provides padding (there is a vagina monologue on this) and, significantly, traps germs that can cause irritation or, unfortunately, infection.
Our suggestion: consider trying the different options in stages and then decide for yourself; what do YOU like? Au natural? Shaving only the bikini line? (This is probably what most college women do, but whatever) Trimming? Removing most/all of your pubic hair? If you choose to remove all of your pubic hair, be careful. Waxing can take a certain degree of pain tolerance and shaving with a razor can produce razor burn or ingrown hairs. (not to mention, hair re-growth can be ITCHY!) Also, if you are sexually active, changing your pubic hair style can change the way sexual activity feels- in good or bad ways. Hopefully, by "testing" your different options, you can come to a style that feels right for you. Follow your heart and/or vagina ;) Confidence is probably the largest determinant of sexiness….
Perhaps our lovely fellow-blog readers would share their thoughts?
Monday, April 7, 2008
Water-based lube is an awesome lube choice- because it usually is hypoallergenic and compatible with latex. One other ingredient to inspect in lubricants is glycerin or sugar, which may cause a yeast infection in women (these ingredients are more likely to be in flavored lubicants). Since water-based lubricants can be absorbed by the skin pretty readily, this type of lubricant will likely have to be reapplied (or some saliva added to the mix). CVS usually carries "Astroglide," one of the most popular brands of water-based lube...in addition to KY warming liquid (also water-based). The Hanover CVS has a satisfactory array of intimacy products- explore! Besides KY and Astroglide, other water-based lubes should advertise as such....to be safe, you can check the ingredients list; water based lubes usually list "deionized water" as the first ingredient.
Oh, PS, there is 24-hour vending machine (accepting DA$H or cash) in the lower level (aka Basement) of Dick's House that sells AstroGlide, too. It's pretty reasonable- $5.00 for a 2.55oz bottle.
In addition, if your student organization (or dorm/UGA) hasn't already taken advantage of the Health Service's "GREAT CONDOM OFFER*" this academic year, you could order a whole case for 1/2 the price! Dick's House will split the cost with your group. It works like this:
1. Call (646-9427) or email Molly in Health Resources to request your organization or residence cluster’s order.
2. When the order is received, Health Resources will inform you via blitz.
3. Come to Health Resources on the 3rd floor of Dick's House with a check for 1/2 the price of your order.
Regular, lubricated condoms can also be purchased for a really reduced price in the Dick's House Vending Machine, 24 hours/day (Lower/basement Level of Dick's House). The machine accepts cash or Dash (slide your card vertically). Check it out!
Also, if you stop by Health Resources on the 3rd floor of Dick's House, they will share a handful of condoms with you.
Hope that helps!
PS I'll go leave a few flavored ones in the "Sex Room" on 1st Floor Robo :)
Friday, March 28, 2008
For either hetero or men couples, we'd suggest something simple and "external" to get started- perhaps one of the erection rings with a bullet vibrator. (Most are advertised for hetero couples experiencing vaginal intercourse, but they are also something couples having anal intercourse may find pleasurable.) Simple vibrating cock rings are inexpensive and you can buy them at the local drugstore, which is a very easy introduction. For women couples, a clitoral stimulator strap on or harness may be appealing.
This could go on all day, but there is a great resource that will ask you personal questions and guide you thru selecting a toy that is right for you and your partner, provided by the MyPleasure.com website. There are individual pages for hetero, gay and lesbian couple. Click on Shopping, Shopping Guides, then Couples Toy Guides and you'll end up here:
You can use the guide and purchase your toys thru their site or use it to explore, then seek other options at one of our other favorites:
Sunday, March 23, 2008
To answer this question, we looked at a number of medical sites and found we most liked Columbia's "Ask Alice!" site, so we adapted it. The short answer is that intercourse shouldn't be painful, so your girlfriend should make an appointment to speak with a medical provider and get more personalized feedback, but a more developed answer (thank you Alice!) is below:
There are any number of reasons why one might be experiencing painful intercourse. The most common reasons are poor communication skills, lack of trust or commitment, and sexual ignorance. However, it sounds like in your case, it is caused by none of the above. There are also several physical reasons you might experience pain during intercourse (all are remedy-able):
- Painful penetration -- vaginismus: This is a strong, involuntary tightening of your vaginal muscles -- a spasm of the outer third of your vagina which makes entrance by the penis acutely painful. This can be physically or psychologically based.
- Local infection: Some vaginal infections can be present in a non acute, visually unnoticeable form. The friction of a penis can cause the infection to flare up.
- Insufficient lubrication: If your natural secretions of lubrication are not enough, or your timing is off, the friction of a penis in your vagina could be quite painful. In this case, using an extra lubricant, such as Astroglide (available in Dick's House) might help.
- Tightness in the vaginal entrance: The first few times you have intercourse, an unstretched hymen can cause pain. And whenever you are tense and preoccupied, the vaginal entrance is not likely to loosen up enough, therefore making getting the penis in hurtful. In addition, if you try to get the penis in before you are fully aroused, you might still be too tight, even though you are lubricated enough. Slow down and take your time.
- Pain deep in the pelvis: This can be caused by tears in the ligaments that support the uterus, infections of the cervix, uterus or tubes, endometriosis, or cysts or tumors on the ovaries. All of these may be medically treatable.
Whatever the cause, your girlfriend doesn't need to put up with the pain! Get a good gynecological exam at Dick's House (call x6-9401 or use BannerStudent online to make an appointment), and find out what's going on. In the meantime, continue to find other ways to give each other pleasure. Feel good!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The truth is a lot of people wonder if they look or act silly when they're feeling especially pleasured during sexual activity. And, the truth is that a lot of people do really different things- some people moan loudly, some scrunch up their face, curl their toes, even laugh! If you're comfortable being sexual with your partner, it's likely that it doesn't really matter all too much what happens when you orgasm. Regardless, try to focus on the orgasmic feeling you've just achieved, rather than your appearance. And, keep those orgasms coming!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
So, you're right: We are going to tell you that you are not abnormal and that your choice to abstain from sex is thoughtful, mature and all up to you. But, let's get some data to "back us up".
A study of undergraduates at four universities published in 2005 shows how college students' perceptions of their peers' sexual activity can be exaggerated. The study, revealed that 80 percent of students had 0 or 1 sexual partner during the preceding year, only 22 percent of those students believed their fellow students had one or fewer partners. 59 percent of students reported having no sexual activity within the past 30 days. Most participants, misleadingly, thought that other students had at least 3 partners during the previous year.
Recent Data from Dartmouth Student survey (from 2005 National College Health Assessment Data) self-reported that 31% of students abstained from sex in the past school year (34% men and 29% women). However, when asked how they perceived their peers' sexual experiences, only 1.4% (2.4% men and 0.7% women) believed that their peers (the same people answering the survey) were abstaining from sex in the past school year. We "talk" sex a lot! (and keep it mostly to "talk")
This is your choice (which is supported by at least 30% of Dartmouth's men). And our belief is that having your first time be with someone you really care about - when you are both ready - will increase the odds that it will be GREAT!
When I masturbate I get a terrible rush of pain in the back of my head (not my penis head, the one on my shoulders). I did a google search and this is surprisingly common, but what should I do? This started 2 weeks ago and I'm too embarrassed to go to Dicks House and I'm afraid that if I have sex with my partner, one of these headaches will come along and ruin it. Having an orgasm until your head explodes may sound nice, but I'm sure it won't feel that way.
As you found in your research, this reaction is fairly common, and we've heard from others who have experienced this as well. It's possible that your headache is a variation of a migraine headache, called 'orgasmic headache'. However, while it is completely understandable that it may feel embarrassing to share this information in person with someone, it is really important that you do.
Considering this experience is a recent development for you, you should make an appointment with a medical provider to have the concern checked out, as there are other neurological issues that may be need to be assessed. As a
Thanks for asking- this will be helpful information for many men!
Endurance is ultimately about training your body a new response pattern. According to Richard Spark's book on Sexual Health for Men (available in Dana Library), there are two specific exercises which he cites as having an "80 to 85 percent success rate in helping men overcome their tendency to ejaculate before maximal sexual excitement has been achieved"(that's as close as we could come to "proven methods").
The Squeeze Technique: Your partner (or, presumably, you) strokes and caresses your penis and testicles to the point of (near) orgasm. When you think you're about to ejaculate, your partner (or you) lightly squeezes the bulbous tip of the penis (the "glans"). When you feel that you've regained some control over your impulse to ejaculate, caressing begins again and the process is repeated.
The Start-Stop Technique: your partner strokes the penis to near ejaculation at which point your partner will stop. (some people like to take this time to kiss, massage each other, perform oral sex, rather than just "wait"). After a few minutes, again having regained some control, the stroking begins again-
The goal: "as the exercises progress, the interval between start and stop signals lengthens until the man acquires the ability to determine the moment of ejaculation...gradually, as the man becomes use to the experience of prolonged pleasure from sexual stimulation, he will gain confidence and control over his ejaculation."
If you want to read up more, also check out Bernie Zilbergeld's Male Sexuality (in the Baker-Berry library at HQ36.Z54) on more info/other exercises for endurance.
Some men masturbate prior to engaging in sexual activities with a partner- and cite this as a major source of endurance. Other men advise to practice stopping urination mid-stream- recognizing how to squeeze that muscle may help (also known as Kegel Technique). Some men find cock rings useful (available at our very own local CVS) in delaying ejaculation- vibrating cock rings can also be fun!
Finally, orgasming more quickly then you liked never means the fun has to stop there. Sharing in sexual experiences with your partner does not necessarily mean rushing to the "main event" but enjoying the process as a whole. A comment posted on GoAskAlice.com stated "I came all over the mattress beneath me while performing oral sex on my girlfriend. I continued until she was satiated, and when I apologetically revealed the puddle of semen on the bed, rather than being dismayed, she felt delighted and flattered that I should reach an orgasm so readily, such was my obvious arousal at being with her..." So, take your time, mix things up, and the orgasm is not the end all by any means!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
My new girlfriend wants me to make sure I'm clean before we have sex, how do I do that at Dartmouth?
Sexperts definitely thinks it's a good idea for partners to encourage each other to get STI testing before becoming sexually active with each other. While you did not specify exactly what "hook-up" means (and whether or not that involved safer sex practices), it is always good practice that everyone (everyone!) who has had unprotected sex get tested for infections appropriate to their exposure. (Because early testing = early treatment and safer/healthier decision-making for the future).
So far as getting testing a Dartmouth, you can sign onto BannerStudent and click on "making an appointment at Dick's House" or call during business hours at 603-646-9401 to schedule a time to get testing done.
There are few things to keep in mind:
-Don't pee less than an hour before your appointment!
-Testing should be scheduled more than 3 weeks after your last unprotected sexual experience to ensure that all the STIs to be screened are detectable
-You can choose your screening provider's gender by requesting either male or female when making your appointment
-Results from your STI test can take up to two weeks
-There are no HPV tests available for men- your girlfriend should have an annual exam to test for HPV
-Screening will involve urine and/or blood collection, depending on what is being tested
-You should expect to be asked about your sexual history to assess what tests are appropriate and what you may have been exposed to
-You may bring your partner to the appointment if you are comfortable and would like to do that
If you are an undergraduate student, testing is covered. However, if you are not currently enrolled and taking classes this term, you should call the Appointments Office to find out whether there would be any charges associated with your appointment and for what health services you are eligible during your term off.
If you prefer not to utilize Dick's House for STI testing, there are also two great, local resources:
Planned Parenthood in West Lebanon: 603-298-7766
ACORN in Lebanon (offers HIV and Hepatitis C Testing): 603-448-8887
Hope this covers what you had in mind!
Monday, February 25, 2008
The first distinction to make is whether you haven't had an orgasm with your boyfriend or you haven't had an orgasm during any sort of sexual activity or exploration. If you don't think you've ever experienced an orgasm, our best advice is to explore yourself! People, especially women, who know their bodies and have been successful with masturbation generally have the upper hand when it cums (haha!) to sexual endeavors with partners. Explore what feels good for you- whether it's using your fingers, sex toys, lubricant, your pillows! Set some time aside, maybe even set a sensual mood (incense?), and get it on with yourself.
Now, if you can orgasm while masturbating or have orgasmed with other partners in the past, the question is whether you and your boyfriend only have vaginal intercourse. If so, it's important to know that it's estimated that only 30% of women (Whoops, we're assuming you're a self-identifying female! The above paragraph is gender neutral) are capable of orgasming from penile-vaginal intercourse on its own. Your clitoris is likely only indirectly being stimulated- and many women need direct stimulation before and/or during intercourse.
Try having your boyfriend stimulate your clitoris and vulva with his hand, his lips, his tongue...Try different positions to help put pressure on your clitoris during intercourse (check out sexinfo101.com for a variety of positions)...Maybe more foreplay will help, as well! Spend more time caressing, kissing, massaging each other before penetration- read literotica together!
Overall the key to orgasming for you may be found in exploring the ins and outs of your own sexual preferences through solitary sexual activity- the better you know yourself and your body, the better the sexperience between you and your boyfriend.
If you want to read more, check out "Guide to Getting It On" in the Baker-Berry Library!
Friday, February 8, 2008
The frequency of masturbation is really a matter of personal preference. Some people choose not to masturbate, some try it out a few times, and some do it a few times everyday. So long as masturbation does not substitute for necessities like eating, sleeping or socializing, enjoy yourself!
Many people are concerned that there are serious side effects of masturbation. We'd like to share a comment posted on goaskalice.com by a very articulate reader,
"I see many questions from young folks who are concerned about masturbation and wonder if it is harmful. I am seventy years old and have masturbated at least once, sometimes two or three times a day, for most of my life, since I was about ten years old. I still do it. I am healthy, happy, have several grown children and grandchildren. Masturbation has been a constant, welcome, warm, and healthful companion. My advice? Enjoy it, and let your body be your guide."
If you are concerned about your frequency of masturbation, please speak with your physician who can discuss the matter from a more medical perspective with confidentiality.
So far as whether or not masturbation counts as a sex life, it could be argued that you are sexually active with your own body. Again, the boundaries of "sexual activity" are blurred and primarily pertain to levels of personal comfort.
Monday, February 4, 2008
1- Plan B is available at Dick's House to anyone over the age of 18. The pharmacy is now dispensing it without a prescription during business hours (Mon- Fri, 9am - 5pm). When the Pharmacy is closed students can contact the inpatient department at (6-9401) when classes are in session (excluding summer term) to speak with a nurse who will facilitate access to Plan B. The price is $29.00 as it is not processed as a prescription through the pharmacy.
Other thoughts on the availability/cost of Plan B for Dartmouth Students: If a student has the Dartmouth Student Health Insurance (DSGHP) AND a prescription, the cost is covered in full if the prescription is filled at Dick's house. They would pay 20% (around $10.00) if filled at any other pharmacy. Because Plan B is an "over-the-counter medication", most other insurances do not cover Plan B.
2- Planned Parenthood presents a very economical option, with a sliding scale, to anyone who requests emergency contraception during business hours (their phone #: 603-298-7766).
3- CVS in Hanover currently sells it, when a pharmacist is on duty (between 8am-8pm except Sundays), to people with a government issued ID for about $45.
A dose of emergency contraception can be taken up to 120 hours after unprotected intercourse, regardless of the number of times unprotected intercourse occurs in one night (one encounter/episode). It is important to note that the sooner emergency contraception is taken after unprotected sex, the greater the efficacy of the pill. A progestin-only emergency conception pill is about 89% effective within 72 hours of unprotected intercourse. Plan B, the most common form of emergency contraception, is progestin only and has very limited side effects. Side effects, however, of any emergency contraceptive may involve headache, dizziness, abdominal pain, breast tenderness, weight change, or depression.
Most emergency contraception works like birth control by preventing ovulation. It is possible to take multiple birth control pills as emergency contraception but the number of pills depends on how much hormone each pill contains. It appears that 100 micrograms of ethinyl estradiol with 0.5 milligrams of levonorgestrel is about 75% effective in pregnancy prevention. However, Plan B, and other options specifically designed for emergency contraception, are not only more effective but have fewer side effects.
Emergency contraception does not protect against sexually transmitted infections.
Emergency contraception is NOT the same as RU-486 or mifepristone, which provides for a medical and chemical abortion within 49 days of a woman's last menstruation.
Further anonymous questions or concerns can be taken up with the Emergency Contraception Hotline 888-668-2-5283 or in multiple languages at not-2-late.com. The not-2-late.com website also includes a chart listing other birth control pills that can be used a emergency contraception and what doses are appropriate.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Do you have any tips on how to give a guy good hand jobs?
This question is a bit tricky because it is really up to the person and what he likes.
A few general things, we've gathered from our favorite book, the "Guide to it Getting On" (available in the library):
-don't be afraid to have a firm grip!
-dry or lubricated? Honestly, preference-based. Lubricated can give more sensation but dry is less of a set-up/clean-up ordeal
-try to keep your up-and-down motions along the shaft fluid...jerking off may be somewhat of a misnomer
-no need to slow down when ejaculation begins- most men like the action to keep going for a bit longer
-maybe try throwing in a little caressing of the testes, kissing on the mouth, neck, nipples, belly...
-try this all in the shower for something different?
-a tip from Jay Wiseman (ha, apparently really his last name) book about sex tips: "caress the penis and balls for ten seconds with your fingertips, followed by one quick up and down hand stroke. Then caress for ten more seconds, followed by two quick up and down hand strokes. After every ten second period of caressing, increase the stroke total by one." This seems a little complicated- but if you want to spice it up, give it a try!
-don't know how to grab it? "Getting it On" says, "lie parallel to your man and reach across his body as he does when he is masturbating. Ask him to form your fingers around his penis in the same way he does when he's alone and [obviously] thinking about you. The way he holds the penis and where he put his hand on the shaft are more significant factors than you might think"(125)
-are you a visual person? Check out the different grips on this site: